[Editor’s
Note: Each October, the Catholic Church in the United States observes Respect
Life Month. Articles in this section of our bulletin will be adapted from
materials provided by the Office of Life, Justice, and Peace of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles to help us understand and value
the gift of human life. Although written for junior high students, we can all benefit from the truths these articles present.]
Adoption
A positive
pregnancy test….. now what? Each day, hundreds of thousands of women
learn that they are pregnant, and our culture tells them that they have two
choices: keep and parent the child or have an abortion.
However, people so often fail to talk about the third option – adoption.
For many women, the thought of “giving their child away” is the deepest
form of betrayal - an unthinkable option worse even than ending the child’s
life through abortion. There is still some social stigma around women who
place their children for adoption – shame that they are unable to care for their children or guilt that they became
pregnant in the first place.
A woman or a family
may have a number of reasons for not being able to care for a child at the present moment.
Maybe the mom is too young or not ready to care for a child. Maybe
she is sick or disabled or has problems with addiction. Maybe the family
is struggling with the children they already have. Or, maybe the child is
born with a condition the parents do not feel able to care for. Whatever
the reason, if the right solution is adoption, there is no shortage of loving families ready to open their arms to welcome
a child no matter their age, race, special needs, or any other circumstances.
Still, countless women each year choose abortion rather than adoption.
It may be that many of these women have no idea that couples and families are eagerly waiting to adopt their babies.
In the US, according to available statistics, there are up to 36 couples
waiting to adopt for every one baby placed for adoption.
At any given time, there are approximately two million couples on waiting lists to adopt infants – even those
with special needs.
Women may
feel that the choice to place their children for adoption is a betrayal. They
are “giving up” their babies. “Giving up”
is a terrible phrase that ought to never be used in this situation. It implies that the woman does not care about
what happens to her child. Women are also concerned that they are being selfish if they place a baby for adoption –
they feel they should “take care of” the child themselves – either quickly through abortion or raising the
child on their own – rather than making it some else’s problem.
However, these two stereotypes are just wrong.
Women who place their children for adoption do so precisely because they care about their child.
In fact, they care so deeply about their child that they relinquish
their own right to raise the child so that he or she might have a better life, and a couple, who has extra resources or may
not have been able to have children of their own, is given a precious gift on whom they can pour out their love.
Women who pursue adoption are anything but selfish.
Many women choose abortion to “undo” a pregnancy – to either conceal it or end it quickly to get
back to normal life. Continuing with a pregnancy, particularly when you
know you will be placing your child with an adoptive family, can be very difficult.
The lure of a “quick fix” through abortion tempts women
with the belief that very quickly their lives will be back to normal and no one will ever know.
But the pain following abortion can last a lifetime, and the grief of knowing she ended the life of her child can leave
a woman unable to continue the activities and pursue the dreams that made her want to end the pregnancy in the first place.
By giving a child life, a woman engages in a great act of self-sacrifice,
which is what Jesus calls us to do: “No one has greater love that this, to lay down one’s life for one’s
friends” [John 15.13]. Self-sacrifice is incredibly difficult, but
ultimately it is what makes us truly happy. Giving a child life is never
as painful as the grief and guilt following abortion.
Additionally,
today many more adoptions are “open adoptions” in which the birth
mom and the adoptive parents keep in touch so that the birth mom and baby can
get to know each other. These families often include birth moms at birthday parties and holidays so that she is part of the family too.
It allows the adopted children to know where they come from and not wonder why their parents didn’t “want”
them. The result can be a joyful family situation that far exceeds anything
that either the birth mom/parents and the adoptive family could have imagined.
Adoptive parents step in to offer help to birthparents who are unable to care
for a child. Many adoptive
parents adopt newborns, but many more adopt older children who are in the
foster care system. For these children life is most often a series of foster
homes – sometime several a year – resulting in instability and isolation.
Children who move often have difficulty making friends in all of their new schools.
Very often their grades suffer because they do not have continuity of teachers and classes.
Children able to be adopted are looking for forever
families - someone to adopt them and make them members of a family
that is not just part-time, but forever.
In 2021,
the most recent federal data listed 407,493 children in foster care in the US; 117,470 of whom are waiting for adoption. For these kids, life in foster care is difficult.
However, if more families were willing to welcome a child in need into their own home, we could reverse this trend
immediately. Children in foster care have done nothing wrong to deserve the
poor treatment they sometimes receive.
Loving families can change everything for these kids by offering stability, a
peaceful home environment and unconditional love – whether they are eventually
reunited with their own families or stay with
or are adopted by their foster families.
We must promote
a culture of life by not only wholeheartedly supporting women who choose to parent their child, but also by lovingly promoting
adoption, not abortion, as a courageous, responsible, and loving option.
